I am so proud of myself right now. I've just dodged two major diet bullets.
First, my boyfriend wanted to go to Starbucks. I admit I'm the one who mentioned it and got him all excited. I was desperately craving a java chip frappuccino. I kept telling myself the light one is only 110 calories, but of course I don't really want the light one. I want the large one with whole milk, whipped cream, and extra chocolate chips. So I told myself I didn't really want it and he was convinced not to go out. I still do want it, but with no one to drive me I'm not getting it.
Then, the friend who's coming over called and offered to stop for milkshakes.
My first thought was: Okay, I'm giving in. I can start again tomorrow.
But if I do that I know I'll think the same thing tomorrow and the next day, and regain the few pounds I've lost and more.
I refused. It's going to be tough sitting around when two people are slurping on big, delicious, creamy shakes, but I looked up the nutrition facts of the one I would've ordered, a small mint cookies n' cream shake.
It has one thousand calories.
I'm not kidding. It has 34 grams of fat too. I'm a little disgusted - I could eat almost two whole pints of ice cream for that. Hopefully this revulsion will last long enough to get me through the night until those damned shakes are out of my house.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Delicious diet, and cravings
I have really enjoyed my food today. I had a light breakfast of string cheese and dried apricots and weighed in at 149.6 pounds (down 2.4 already). For lunch, I stir fried some of the salad from last night in olive oil and had it with a sliced organic Granny Smith apple and an Asian pear. It was all delicious and satisfying.
But then I was discussing plans for this afternoon with a friend, and she mentioned that she was going to grab some food before coming over. My nasty habits kicked in and I practically begged her to go out for fast food with me - after all, if you're out with a friend it's excusable, right?
I used to do this all the time. In high school I had a friend who would always stop for McDonald's chicken nuggets when we went out. I would pretend I didn't want anything, but he knew me well enough to get extras to share. We'd eat tons of nuggets with dipping sauces and then I'd go home and have a snack before dinner, and a dessert after.
During previous weight loss attempts I'd always feel sabotaged when my skinny friends went to buffets or ordered Pizza Hut pan pizza. I'd go along, sigh heavily, stuff my face, and come home to eat more. I really thought it wasn't okay for me to order differently. It didn't occur to me to eat beforehand to fill myself up with healthy food, because I was in the habit of eating junk anyway when I was full of healthy food. I even posted on message boards about my problem with friends' eating habits and was hurt when most of the replies told me to take responsibility for myself.
I hate that everyone feels like time with friends means eating out, but I should be happy to have friends who understand that sometimes it's better for your health and wallet to eat at home. Time with friends should be for socializing and having fun, not feeding a food addiction and indulging in unhealthy habits.
Today, I resolve to enjoy my visit without feeling like I need to direct us to the nearest drive through every ten minutes. Wish me luck!
But then I was discussing plans for this afternoon with a friend, and she mentioned that she was going to grab some food before coming over. My nasty habits kicked in and I practically begged her to go out for fast food with me - after all, if you're out with a friend it's excusable, right?
I used to do this all the time. In high school I had a friend who would always stop for McDonald's chicken nuggets when we went out. I would pretend I didn't want anything, but he knew me well enough to get extras to share. We'd eat tons of nuggets with dipping sauces and then I'd go home and have a snack before dinner, and a dessert after.
During previous weight loss attempts I'd always feel sabotaged when my skinny friends went to buffets or ordered Pizza Hut pan pizza. I'd go along, sigh heavily, stuff my face, and come home to eat more. I really thought it wasn't okay for me to order differently. It didn't occur to me to eat beforehand to fill myself up with healthy food, because I was in the habit of eating junk anyway when I was full of healthy food. I even posted on message boards about my problem with friends' eating habits and was hurt when most of the replies told me to take responsibility for myself.
I hate that everyone feels like time with friends means eating out, but I should be happy to have friends who understand that sometimes it's better for your health and wallet to eat at home. Time with friends should be for socializing and having fun, not feeding a food addiction and indulging in unhealthy habits.
Today, I resolve to enjoy my visit without feeling like I need to direct us to the nearest drive through every ten minutes. Wish me luck!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Surprise Noodles
The day has been pretty good foodwise. I woke up late so I had some leftover salad with chicken breast and honey mustard for breakfast. I wasn't hungry again until dinner time, so I had a bigger meal than usual -- a fruit and protein shake and some stir-fried spinach and tomatoes. I planned for a big snack later on and just ate a yummy bowl of Asian salad.
But while I was preparing it, I got a surprise. I thought the Asian salad mix I bought yesterday was just thinly sliced veggies with a packet of dressing and almonds. When I opened it, I found myself face-to-face with one of my greatest fears: chow mein noodles!
I should have thrown them away, but they were mixed with the almonds. I had a serving of them in my salad figuring they were already included in the calorie count for the mix, and it was delicious. Of course, that was not enough.
I have already been back twice for a little pinch, but I can't keep giving in to my inner fat kid. She will "pinch" the whole bag away, and it does not seem like much, but already the taste is triggering cravings I've been avoiding for days, for greasy fried rice and (for some reason) big warm fattening chocolate chip cookies.
There's no way for me to get any of that stuff, but I might as well not make myself suffer. I am going to have my second planned serving of the salad, but I am going to give the noodles away.
...
Okay, done.
I'm not happy to report that I ate some of them, but the majority are never going to touch my lips. I sat and picked the almonds out of the bag with the fat kid telling me every second to just shove them all in my mouth or dump them into the salad.
When I was done, I had a pile of noodles that probably totaled 50 - 100 calories.
That's nothing, right?
Wrong. It's that 50 - 100 calories, times a few hundred or thousand, that I'm carrying around on my body. It's that little portion of treat that I tell myself is okay day after day, that snack that triggers cravings for something worse. The cabbage tasted great at first, but after a bunch of noodles my fat kid is whining at me to eat around the vegetables and get at the "good part".
The funny thing is that after I gave the noodles away, I wanted to eat out of the stress of avoiding food. I began to cram the salad in my mouth before realizing this. It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it? Our cravings wear us down until we give in.
I think tomorrow I am going to have nothing but raw and cooked vegetables and fruits and tea - no sauces or dressings, no meat or nuts, no condiments except for a little olive oil if I need it. Then if that goes well, I'll eat raw fruits and veggies for the next two days. I feel like I need some detox to break myself of the desire for binge foods and really start to enjoy the way fresh food tastes.
But while I was preparing it, I got a surprise. I thought the Asian salad mix I bought yesterday was just thinly sliced veggies with a packet of dressing and almonds. When I opened it, I found myself face-to-face with one of my greatest fears: chow mein noodles!
I should have thrown them away, but they were mixed with the almonds. I had a serving of them in my salad figuring they were already included in the calorie count for the mix, and it was delicious. Of course, that was not enough.
I have already been back twice for a little pinch, but I can't keep giving in to my inner fat kid. She will "pinch" the whole bag away, and it does not seem like much, but already the taste is triggering cravings I've been avoiding for days, for greasy fried rice and (for some reason) big warm fattening chocolate chip cookies.
There's no way for me to get any of that stuff, but I might as well not make myself suffer. I am going to have my second planned serving of the salad, but I am going to give the noodles away.
...
Okay, done.
I'm not happy to report that I ate some of them, but the majority are never going to touch my lips. I sat and picked the almonds out of the bag with the fat kid telling me every second to just shove them all in my mouth or dump them into the salad.
When I was done, I had a pile of noodles that probably totaled 50 - 100 calories.
That's nothing, right?
Wrong. It's that 50 - 100 calories, times a few hundred or thousand, that I'm carrying around on my body. It's that little portion of treat that I tell myself is okay day after day, that snack that triggers cravings for something worse. The cabbage tasted great at first, but after a bunch of noodles my fat kid is whining at me to eat around the vegetables and get at the "good part".
The funny thing is that after I gave the noodles away, I wanted to eat out of the stress of avoiding food. I began to cram the salad in my mouth before realizing this. It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it? Our cravings wear us down until we give in.
I think tomorrow I am going to have nothing but raw and cooked vegetables and fruits and tea - no sauces or dressings, no meat or nuts, no condiments except for a little olive oil if I need it. Then if that goes well, I'll eat raw fruits and veggies for the next two days. I feel like I need some detox to break myself of the desire for binge foods and really start to enjoy the way fresh food tastes.
Night Binge
A weird thing happened last night.
I was sleeping happily after doing okay with food all day. I could've done better, but I had fruit for breakfast, a big grilled chicken salad with about a half serving of low fat dressing for lunch, and two slices of pizza (as opposed to my usual three with a whole bag of breadsticks) for dinner. I felt full.
Then I found myself gobbling ice cream from the freezer with literally no recollection of how I got there or decided to start eating.
Maybe I didn't have enough calories yesterday. I didn't want to eat anything else after the pizza, even if it was healthy, but I would've sworn I wasn't hungry.
Maybe it's just that I went shopping yesterday and didn't buy anything unhealthy except the little pint of ice cream for my boyfriend. When I go shopping, I usually get myself a few kinds of binge food and spend the night eating them -- cookies, chips, cake, rolls, crackers, anything full of carbs and fat. I didn't do that this time, and I always feel deprived after I skip a grocery store binge.
This worries me a little. It's happened before. I'll be eating healthy for a couple weeks and then wake up to find my face in a bowl of sugary cereal with whole milk.
But the important thing to remember is that one slipup isn't that bad. Sure, it sucks that I can't choose or fully enjoy what I mess up on, but the half pint of ice cream I ate was only about 340 calories. I stopped there, even though I could have gone on to eat the rest of the container and thousands of calories of Coke and chips and bread.
Even better, I managed to avoid eating the leftover pizza for breakfast, and I am determined not to give in. If no one else eats it by the end of the day, I'm throwing it out.
So, I choose to be proud of what I accomplished instead of ashamed of what I didn't. It's not "okay" to eat pizza and ice cream all the time, but it's great that I stopped myself and cut back.
And guess what? When I got on the scale this morning, it read 151.6. That's down 2.6 pounds from my starting weight (154.2) yesterday.
I was sleeping happily after doing okay with food all day. I could've done better, but I had fruit for breakfast, a big grilled chicken salad with about a half serving of low fat dressing for lunch, and two slices of pizza (as opposed to my usual three with a whole bag of breadsticks) for dinner. I felt full.
Then I found myself gobbling ice cream from the freezer with literally no recollection of how I got there or decided to start eating.
Maybe I didn't have enough calories yesterday. I didn't want to eat anything else after the pizza, even if it was healthy, but I would've sworn I wasn't hungry.
Maybe it's just that I went shopping yesterday and didn't buy anything unhealthy except the little pint of ice cream for my boyfriend. When I go shopping, I usually get myself a few kinds of binge food and spend the night eating them -- cookies, chips, cake, rolls, crackers, anything full of carbs and fat. I didn't do that this time, and I always feel deprived after I skip a grocery store binge.
This worries me a little. It's happened before. I'll be eating healthy for a couple weeks and then wake up to find my face in a bowl of sugary cereal with whole milk.
But the important thing to remember is that one slipup isn't that bad. Sure, it sucks that I can't choose or fully enjoy what I mess up on, but the half pint of ice cream I ate was only about 340 calories. I stopped there, even though I could have gone on to eat the rest of the container and thousands of calories of Coke and chips and bread.
Even better, I managed to avoid eating the leftover pizza for breakfast, and I am determined not to give in. If no one else eats it by the end of the day, I'm throwing it out.
So, I choose to be proud of what I accomplished instead of ashamed of what I didn't. It's not "okay" to eat pizza and ice cream all the time, but it's great that I stopped myself and cut back.
And guess what? When I got on the scale this morning, it read 151.6. That's down 2.6 pounds from my starting weight (154.2) yesterday.
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