About my weight

I know it sounds like I'm lucky and must not have a lot to lose at around 150 pounds, so I thought I'd write up a bit of backstory on my weight.

First of all, I am quite short at 4'11". That means that at 150 pounds, I am obese. As soon as I hit 148 pounds even, which may happen tomorrow, I am out of the obesity range.

However, there's still a long way to go. I will still be overweight until I hit 124 pounds. I have spend almost all of my adult life just overweight at 125 - 130 pounds, always thinking my life would be perfect if I could drop ten, but I couldn't stop indulging in fatty foods and binging. So my weight went up.

I haven't been 124 pounds or lower in two years. This time last year, I was hovering around the early 140s, which is a pretty uncomfortable weight for me. The first time I hit that weight in June 2008, I'd been feeling heavy and sluggish and growing out of my clothes. I noticed my arms were flabby, my stomach stuck out too far, and I was sprouting a double chin. So I hopped on the scale, which wasn't a regular habit for me, and was horrified to see 142.

I dropped the weight quickly but unhealthily, through starving myself and "fasting". I binged weekly, but by the end of summer I was down to 120 and ecstatic.

Something happened though. I was so weak I could barely move, and it seemed like my body refused to budge past 119. I couldn't starve myself another day. I ate and ate and ate, with brief periods of trying to diet in between. Within a year I had eaten myself into obesity.

So, my first mini-goal is 142 pounds, back to that weight where I don't feel comfortable but I know I'm on my way down.

My second goal is 132, where I know my favorite jeans will button again.

Then 124, where I will no longer be overweight.

And then what? I know I will not be happy with my body at 124. I have a small frame and not much muscle, and can't build more for medical reasons. I will still be overfat at 124. So how low do I go?

I'm not sure. In high school I weighed 115, and I was still very flabby. At my height, I can drop down to 92 pounds before I am underweight, but besides being extreme, I don't think I could maintain that.

So after 124, my next goal is 115 to check out my old high school weight. And if things are still going well, I'd like to aim for 104, and a healthy BMI of exactly 21. I have not weighed that little since I was a fat elementary school kid, and I get the feeling it'll look better on me now that I'm a foot or so taller.

If my ultimate goal is 105, that means I have 50 pounds to lose from my highest weight, and just over 44 from my current weight.

Now I'm off to enjoy my healthy evening snack of string cheese, sliced veggies, and tea. I'm well on my way to my goals, and loving (almost!) every minute of it.